boyfriend constantly asks if i'm okay

So it's care and anxiety driving it, and is probably something that is pretty deep seated and will take some practice to get over. The first situation might indicate that there is a fundamental incompatibility here; the second one sounds like miscommunication being amplified by emotions. Simply because of biology. It is also often simply that he needs space and that is all. Even if the answer is yes, dont despair. I am okay, I will let you know if that changes. But hes a words of affirmation love language guy so I have tried saying, Babe, I really am okay. I feel like everything's wrong, is everything wrong and fucked and if it isn't can you please reassure me of that? So dont think a man could never be there for you. We don't really have anything in common, I'm always the one having to start and carry the conversations, I'm always the one making plans, buying dinner, I'm always the one . The One Perfect Thing to Say When A Man Says He Wants "Space" I *personally* only sigh when I'm frustrated, upset, disappointed, or another emotion, and I kind of want someone (my boyfriend) to ask me if I'm okay. I will ask him two or three times in a row just to make sure because I care about him. Are you in the wrong? Reddit, Inc. 2023. Is it you being a terrible partner? If he asks you this question, it means that he wants to know if you're a loner or like to party. My boyfriend wants us to start sexting and sending nudes because we can by Paul Hudson Updated: July 19, 2021 Originally Published: April 27, 2016 Guille Faingold. And by the way it may sound like Im asking you to be his butt licker when I suggest offering so much value that he naturally becomes eager to be there for you and to love you and cherish you. Osborne DWS, Williams CJ. . So here we are at his parents and he's constantly asking me if I'm ok. Of course I miss my mom, she was at the hospital every single constantly bugging me about relaxing without worrying about bills. Everything is not always going to be okay. Newsflash: men dont always plan to abandon you when they ask for space (even though thats what we instantly fear). Set a silent reminder on your computer or phone. Because if he can't learn to be ok without constant status reports from you, then it sounds like he might just not be the guy for you or you the one for him. When you are too lazy, or too resistant to life to care about adding value back to a man, that is a problem. And respecting where he is at. So why shouldnt we act as if he is behaving badly? 2020 Leaf Group Ltd. / Leaf Group Media, All Rights Reserved. To be clear though, i don't think this is your problem to deal with and i think it's an, It sounds like this comes up in situations where you're acting like he's not in the room with you while you're in the middle of something. My32f BF31m constantly asks if "I'm sure". : r/relationships - Reddit Some men will keep you around when they dont want a relationship with you. Stop asking me if I'm okay. Our primitive brain acts like hes about to do the worlds worst thing. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 7 signs you're a bad partner even if you think you aren't - Insider Breathe in all the uncertainty that you are experiencing. Sometimes men just ask for space and theres not a damn thing you could have done that could have changed the course of things. Finally, the researchers propose that this pattern of insecurity could happen to anyone. A spouse cheating, even "just once," can and often does torpedo a relationship, Dr. Walfish says. It is often helpful for those with OCD and their family members to identify a number of situations in which the need for excessive reassurance arises and write down the response the individual typically seeks (such as "your hands are clean and disease-free") on a card. They threaten to break up with you all the time. Even if you're generally a secure person, feeling temporarily insecure could trigger this chain of events . This one's a keeper. My girlfriend snooped through my phone. Excessive OCD reassurance-seeking can result in the following unwanted results: Although excessive reassurance makes the person feel better in the short-term, in the long-term it only serves to perpetuate the symptoms of OCD. I will let you know if that changes. And five minutes later. Archived post. In his case, it didn't signal unusual insecurity or extraversion: I'm just quiet and hard to read, so he used his words. So it's exactly what the title says, my boyfriend keeps asking if I'm ok when I am perfectly fine! So weird. Cookie Notice It's like he's hoping to keep his account private while dating you. What is the one thing that would have basically set you free? Give a little touch on the arm, or something gentle that communicates that you care. CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz! Often, mens goals and wants will be the complete opposite of what his woman wants. If you and your almost-partner have been dating once a week for two months or more, then beware . If you choose to react by retaliating, then you dont get to improve the quality of your relationship. What if hes the one playing power games? He picks up odd jobs to earn money for medical marijuana for me. So you have all the facts, I do have a chronic illness (a few actually, but one main one that disables me and does affect my thinking sometimes) But he's great. Why else do we get needy? Be around him less. And I came out the other side only to feel more chained to my fears, more resentful and less esteemed.). What Happens When You Express Insecurities to Your Partner? There are constant "if-onlys." Whether it is you, your partner, or both of you having these thoughts, it's a bad sign if there is always a sense that the relationship could be satisfying if. Does she silently walk about wanting her kids and husband to "know" whenever she's. Help. Reddit, Inc. 2023. eg: me [over text]: Hey call me when you get a chance, I want to know what the kids want for christmas Thats far from the truth. Providing reassurance to someone with OCD can make the issue worse. Reddit, Inc. 2023. He needs space. What You're Not Saying When You Ask If Your Partner Is Angry I can't give up my expectations of my partner in a relationship. "Sweetheart, I've told you I don't like to be asked. Its easy and understandable to act from fear when men want space but if you need to, simply say thats ok, I understand.. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education. Here are 10 signs He Will Come Back + ONE Low Value Mistake. It will sometimes feel like the relationship is too much work to him. Although annoyed, her husband does not want her to feel anxious, so he does as asked and tells her everything is OK. Jake has sexual obsessions related to sexually assaulting a stranger. In scenario A, He goes to the. My guess is he feels like you're ignoring him (and you are, right? As dating and relationship coach, Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, tells Bustle, "A respectful relationship encourages acceptance, forgiveness, overlooking the little things, seeing the best in your . If your guy doesn't trust you, or he suspects that you don't trust him, he may ask if everything is OK. For example, if your boyfriend interprets the texts that your chem partner -- your male chem partner, that is -- sends you as romantic in nature, he may lose some trust in your ability to remain faithful to him. If Your Boyfriend Does These 16 Little Things, Hang Onto Him Join 8,047 readers in helping fund MetaFilter. Edit boyfriend is 28m.idk how to change the title it won't let me in my phone. You know what? He's Affectionate in Public. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Ask MetaFilter is a question and answer site that covers nearly any question on earth, where members help each other solve problems. You can say: Im going to miss you. Let me explain. I still can go there rarely, but I can. Even a man and woman who fall madly in love will at some point feel like their partner is taking too much. You may be wondering BUT what if hes trying to control you more by wanting space and pulling away? :-). After washing her hands, she will often ask a friend, or even a stranger if her anxiety is high enough, whether her hands look clean or whether she should be worried about contracting an illness. This doesnt mean that you cant feel like screaming inside after saying I understand.. It is validation for what you are feeling. Before things get even more out of control, you may want to ask your partner to seek money management help, Tessina says, or to see a therapist in order to get to the root cause of their overspending. Donna is extremely worried that she will contract a sexually transmitted disease from doorknobs in public places. Nathan Dumlao, CC0, via Unsplash How Long Does It Take a Man to Know That He Wants to Marry You? Its normal for it to be this way, especially when intertwining our lives with a human who is the opposite of us. His response -- which I think is kind of genius -- is "I'm good, how are you?" All rights reserved. Now for the topic of us getting anxious when a man needs his space. This is a human problem. I'll be sure to let you know if I'm not okay.". However, in the end, your efforts are likely only hardening the hold OCD has on them. The Nice Version of You Versus The Best Version of You. My [24/f] boyfriend [30/m] is constantly asking me to work out and it's slowly ruining my confidence. Would it be less annoying to you if it weren't those words, or if it weren't a distraction from what you're in the middle of? Well, its all there in the title. Nobody's perfect. The answer is, if you truly believe in your heart of hearts that this man intends to hurt you, damage you, make you feel abandoned, unloved or small, then fine. I really look forward to reading your thoughts. You shouldve seen how much of a needy person I was (without meaning to be) to my man in the beginning. It could just mean that the unique combination of things that have already happened in your relationship have lead you both to this point. And it is the most important thing you will say to him. While responding may seem supportive, it only serves to perpetuate OCD behaviors and thoughts. Its just that doing the opposite of that is often what works with the good men. If we choose to be immature, and focus on a man wanting space as a sign that he is behaving badly, then we are weakening ourselves rather than strengthening ourselves. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform. When we got to the top there was a huge waterfall and he asked if I wanted a photo in front of it. It sounds like you live together, so that sucks, but if you're this miserable and he's not changing, it might be time for a change. My (f25) boyfriend (m26) of 4 years always ask if I'm ok. First, he's wonderful. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Every 30 seconds. Trust is a must in any healthy relationship, as the TeenHealth website points out. OCD reassurance-seeking is a compulsive act done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. 3 Sources. "You should be worried about an ex when your partner is defensive or secretive about their communication or the nature of their conversations . I freaked out. I really love being here with him. Curr Psychol. Am I just being annoying? Also, I hope that you enjoyed this post. Friends and family now avoid going with her to public places because of her behavior. Chances are that he knows something is up, can feel the change or already realizes that the two of you are growing apart. Published online August 4, 2020. doi:10.1007/s12144-020-00955-2, Haciomeroglu B. Why do you need constant reassurance? Now what? Maybe it's not actually about you at all. Do you sigh a lot? Reddit, Inc. 2023. Theres no better feeling than having earned high self esteem because you truly gave value as best you could. How do I stop excessive reassurance seeking? I wasnt sick then, but it was still hard by myself. Also, your true understanding of the value in giving him space, will make up the rest of it. If you simply pull away too, just because you want to have more control, then what you get is disengagement. Nothing wrong with power tripsexcept for one important thing: It doesnt make a relationship intimate, it doesnt make it close, you dont get that warm feeling that someone has your back because its always about what Im getting.. This honestly feels like the most ridiculous thing to fight about, but he won't stop. Annoyance Is a Sign of a Good Relationship | Time Fuck that. After he does this five or so times, what I would say to him if I had no filter would be, I WAS fine, but now Im annoyed that you keep asking me every five minutes if Im okay. Then in a sorrowful tone went "I just thought you might okay I'm sorry." His most common response is, "I'm just breathing, honey" and sometimes, "no, but it's not you; it's fine." Hm. You also dont get to show up as a high value woman. If you say this.doesnt this make you a people pleaser? We had to climb a long steep hill, he kept saying "do you want to turn back?" But isnt it always better to walk away knowing you took the high road? Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. They can then agree to pull out the card and read it whenever they would otherwise directly ask someone for the answer. Someone can understand where their partner is coming from with their anxiety, and with playing out old histories in the form of panicked tics, etc., and. And if I am ever in a not openly happy mood (aka smiling, joking around with him, being a little quite, say I dont feel like being groped right now, etc), he will constantly ask me if Im ok. Relationship Warning Signs: Who You Should Watch Out for These 10 My boyfriend said he wants space. The problem with asking your partner if he or she is mad at you is it sends the message that (1) his or her emotional experience is the only one that's responsible for . by lizzasuaruz My (27f) boyfriend (28f) constantly asks me if I'm okay.and it annoys the shit out of me. If you are changing, but your guy isn't, he may begin to cling to you and try to hold on to what's left of your relationship. Does everyone hate me? Weight Loss: Is It Ever Okay to Ask Your Partner to Lose Weight? | Men After all, the secret to winning over a woman really is reading her mind or just being a decent person who thinks about others. you may be scared. Its just all a bit scary. It doesnt make neediness good, either. If his floundering confidence is making your relationship a struggle, suggest that he talk to a professional or a more experienced adult -- such as a parent or teacher -- about his issues. I am not excusing a mans choice to ask for space. I did this once in a relationship. Why Do I Need Constant Reassurance With OCD? While this still represents a compulsion, it reduces distress within the family and improves relationships with others. Toxic relationship habits most people think are normal - Quartz His brother refuses to discuss the issue, which causes Jake to become even more distressed. "Boyfriend, when you constantly ask me if I'm sure, what you're really doing is questioning my agency and it's really getting on my nerves. showing power over a man isnt exactly desirable. Family and friends of people affected by obsessive-compulsive disorder(OCD) often find to be the most stressful when interacting with their loved ones is this excessive reassurance-seeking. If your boyfriend says he wants space, yet you dont take the opportunity to offer value to him or the relationship, then you could lose the opportunity to save a perfectly viable relationship. Excessive reassurance-seeking. They feel needy when they feel like there isnt enough resources for them (attention from men, commitment from men, money). Often I think nothing of it, its just his way of checking in with me. Above all, we can become needy when we want to avoid feeling pain. It can also end up having a negative effect on you. A serious indiscretion can be overcome with therapy if both partners are . My BF constantly asks if "I'm sure" about things that involve my personal opinion or decision. It only feels fake because youre not used to meeting a man on the same page. Subscale 2. He's like this constantly and I said to him, "Next time you're doing something I'll ask if you need help, and if you say no I'll keep asking if you're sure." The post has so far accumulated over 9,000 comments, many calling out a dysfunction in his relationship. He means what he says. Final words about a man asking for space. TL:Dr: bf constantly asks if "I'm sure" about every tiny thing. And it makes me feel like you don't care about me when you keep pressuring me. Is, I wonder if a reframing and compromise might be in order. Again he kept on, "Are you sure you don't want a photo?" Sometimes, a man may just feel like the woman in his life is taking more value than she is giving back. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Arent you attempting to be a value giver? And heres is an amazing article on The 5 Things Every Woman Ought to Know About Men. For more information, please see our ", Following LobsterMitten, have you tried giving him a squeeze (or just any kind of touch) or a smile? They weren't even willing to support him while I can't work at all. All rights reserved. For more information, please see our Right now, it's based in my anxiety stemming from his mental and physical health issues -- I feel like I really do need to check in, though I'm sure it's annoying for him. I'm asking you to stop.". He just needs to respect your needs, as you've repeatedly asked him to do. Stress is part of life. 10 Telltale Signs Your Partner Is In Love With You There's more to love than those three little words. Even if you think what you're feeling inside is readily obvious to your guy, don't forget that he isn't a psychic. Ive also told him it feels like I cant just relax and not constantly feel like I have to project happiness. Dont blame yourself, and dont blame him. Tell your boyfriend the truth: you can't afford to lend him money. Despite knowing I don't like photos and never have ones taken of myself, especially not just me alone. People with anxiety disorders or dependent personality disorder may also engage in excessive reassurance-seeking. But if you want to catch up this weekend, I'm available. I get hypervigilant about my partner's emotions, and while some level of that is appropriate because of his medical condition, if I weren't monitoring myself it could (and does sometimes) get way out of control. CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our High Value Feminine Women Community. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Its enough to make many women feel her stomach suddenly drop 1,000 miles through the floor. Women & men cant always resonate well with each other. These different approaches don't need to be mutually exclusive. I bet it was at least 20 times not even exaggerating. The answer to multiple, excessive "are you okay" questions might be: [give full attention, interrupting what you're doing] are YOU okay?" He asks me up to 3 to 4 times a day and it is getting on my nerves. We only want revenge on people who deliberately want to damage our livelihood or take something valuable away from us. And here on how to stay high value when he does pull away. If your guy is coming onto you and you're not feeling it, don't feel like you have to pull out one of the . Reassuring touch, if you can manage it, also helps affirm connection and okayness in a relationship without having to get worried and ask. Hi, I too am your boyfriend! Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? Relationship Anxiety: 16 Signs and Tips - Healthline And theres one thing I know for sure: if you retaliate or act from fear, all youre doing is staying small. See, imagine a business owner trying to sell you on something. You should process them before you act out and irreparably damage the connection you have with a man.Now, with all this talk about connection, you may be wondering, what if he is emotionally unavailable? I have a guide on emotionally unavailable men that you should read. You know, its hard for me to say all this to you because I know numbness and distrust serves a purpose. Read More: My Ex Seems So Happy With Her Rebound. Or maybe they expect you to fall in line with their. They were controlling my freedom by making me struggle. Reddit, Inc. 2023. It is a basic law of how humans work in relationships. If you want to go deeper and have a world class understanding of men, then its important that you join our Understanding Men membership area). While you are working out what you want in your own mind, he may start asking if you're OK or your relationship is. 7 Signs That You'd Be Better Off Ending a Relationship Your boyfriend's self-image -- how he sees himself -- directly influences his self-esteem or confidence. I do this to my boyfriend sometimes. Doing this will keep him interested and you on his mind. My boyfriend gets angry when I ask if he's okay - Reddit Your Partner Exhibits Controlling Behavior Hiraman/E+/Getty Images Perhaps your partner tries to control what you do and when you do it. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! TeensHealth: Am I in a Healthy Relationship? 1. But even then and make sure you listen to this even then, sometimes it is just not meant to be. I've expressed to him that I'm fine and the only thing that actually makes me not fine is the fact that he keeps asking. This all just means that the reason I want you to learn to give lots of value, is not just so you can just catch any man and keep him. And I promise, if there is something wrong and I want to discuss, you'll be the first to know. Do you have any worries, or are you confused about anything? I miss spending time with my mom, dad, and brother & sister. If your relationship is a solid one, you should never be afraid to tell your boyfriend any of these 13 things: You're not in the mood. posted by quincunx at 1:26 PM on May 3, 2015 [ 2 favorites] The world can be a dark, scary and suspicious place at times, and if you come from a hurtful, unstable background, then yes numbness and a lack of trust probably permeate every fabric of your life. 5. How to Say No When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money - She Blossoms Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. TL:Dr: bf constantly asks if "I'm sure" about every tiny thing. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. It is the most aggravating thing and just gets under my skin to constantly every five minutes be asked if Im okay if I have already said yes to the last 5 times that he has asked. When you take the high road, you are the one who gets to walk away with esteem for yourself. The EXACT Text Message To Send Him When He Cancels Plans (If You Want Then when I finally show my aggravation he gets pissy with me. Im referring to natural biological, emotional and psychological differences between men and women. Much better than reacting in fear and just retaliating against a man who didnt intend to hurt you, right? Then proceed to find a place where you can be alone, sit down, breathe, and breathe again, and just keep breathing. Archived post. Boyfriend (23m) keeps asking me (23f) if I'm ok So it's exactly what the title says, my boyfriend keeps asking if I'm ok when I am perfectly fine! He asks me up to 3 to 4 times a day and it is getting on my nerves. Or worse you dont get that lovely feeling of being an esteemed, classy lady who has the skills to connect with and attract a man, let alone bring a man closer emotionally. I don't get it. The best thing you can do is take the high road. 20 Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship - Bustle Running through a few hypothetical examples can help illustrate the various forms this tendency can take and how those around people with OCD may respond. My boyfriend telling me that he wants space actually scares me/makes me angry! Heres a comprehensive guide on Why Men Pull Away and How to Deal With It. Someone above suggested reassuring touch, which might be less ridiculous than quacking.
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