You wouldnt feel unimportant to him, simply because you werent invited to his sisters Thanksgiving, for whatever reason she chose not to invite you, unless you already felt that you were more committed to him than he is to you. Was it an argument he wanted to avoid? It still has yet to happen. My husband pulls this kind of crap all the time. He also has parents who often demand a lot of his time and attention, and tends to be the fall guy among his friends and is often called upon in times of need. If he doesnt you need to figure out if you want to stay with someone who so easily disregards and dismisses your feelings. But it clearly does make a difference to him, despite what you say. This letter is too vague to really get a clear idea of what is going on Maybe he just needs to get away and KNOWS you would flip out. Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Boyfriend tells me plans last minute. There must be a reason for why he chose to do it this way. This signifies a lot of issues. . One of us suggests something, if we both agree, it goes in the joint calender. From what you say, this is him just not thinking rather than anything serious. "My Boyfriend Doesn't Do Anything Special For Me" How To Deal Let's start out with the reason most women fear - it's possible it's because he doesn't see a future with you. But what seems to have happened here is that you are both so busy defending your own point of view, so busy digging your heels in, that neither can look calmly at the others. Does your boyfriend change the subject, ignore you, get angry, or flat out run away whenever you try to bring up the future? Ive never thought of thanking him for making advance plans. He never makes concrete plans. I don't know how to talk about this without sounding needy, clingy, desperate and ungrateful for the effort he does put in despite how busy he is. I am always appreciative of the sweet things he does for me. For example, he had two trips planned over the holiday break, and I didn't know about them until the very last minute - one of them, the morning of. Am I wrong in feeling unimportant to him because he would not include me in his holiday plans? But if she and he and like me and mine, who have been living together for two years and not married, then YES, it may as well be marriage. He's very supportive, asks how my day was just about every day and we can talk for hours. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. 1. Is this just what it's like to have a partner in medicine, or is it more likely that he's trying to keep me at arm's length? I feel as though my boyfriend (M/23) doesn't have time for me (F/24 Pocketing is a situation where the person you're dating avoids introducing you to their family and friends. Your boyfriend should have discussed his plans with you, but now that you know he didnt, you can use this as an opportunity to evaluate and hopefully strengthen your relationship. Just last night we had dinner with some friends at ther beach house. Has he told which day he leaves and which day he comes back? Dating is meant to determine areas of compatibility. When women start out sacrificing things that matter at the beginning its no wonder they end up in bad relationships or just a relationship that doesnt work for them. 3. a lot of people suggest bringing takeout to school and eating with their medical partners, but I don't have the money to do that on a regular basis.). Do you all have such poor communication in general? It was rude for the sister to not extend the invitation to both people (not saying she had to pay for LW) but even ruder for him to hide it from LW ultimately putting his sisters wants and needs ahead of her. This does need to be discussed among the two of you. I let him know I was hurt that he thought so little of me to not communicate any of this when the plans were being made. For me its not a little thing, I do like surprises sometimes, but if I were to marry him, this would be something that would wear on me eventually like Alexis said. Don't beg or threaten your boyfriend as a way to get him to spend more time with you. What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Spend Time With You - She Blossoms If someone you have been dating for 7 years is making plans for holidays secretively, (whether with family or friends) then it is time for a serious re-evaluation of your relationship. Don't neglect your needs or try to pour from an empty cup. Is does sound like he cant safely discuss things like this with you. I said he should have told me earlier and he replied: Lets decide now in that case. I would definitely MOA if this is the case, 50 is too old for him (or her) to change. He has told me that he does not want to ever get married. I someone doesnt have the former and does have the latter, its time to move on. My husband and I have a joint Google calender. Cool make your plans but at least Inform me of them. This would help solve your problem. We are 36 & 37, and Im tired of it. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. On my case something so insignificant can grow to the point of making me question my marriage.you still have time to fix this. Get back to who you were before. If not, then we are just not a good long term match like phillygirl said. Those are really bad things in a relationship. This probably goes back to the need for men to be able to fight at a moments notice. Carly Kiel. All rights reserved. He's rarely interested in hanging out when sex isn't on the table. Thats why its important to communicate clearly and effectively, If you do that and it continues, you have an idea of his willingness to work with you on this (and probably other things). He is willing to risk his relationship and hurt you for the sake of avoiding awkwardness (which is not avoiding so much as postponing). I can see situations where that might occur. I agree with what Wendy has said. 01 They Cancel Plans Regularly Maybe this is just one in a series of similar stations and this is the last straw? After seven years together, you may as well be married. I definitely dont want to be a nag! It could be a classic friends-with-benefits thing, so you can expect that he's really not interested in a relationship. First of all, WHY do you think your boyfriend failed to discuss these plans with you? However, there are some behaviors that don't require you to be a genius to decode. If he needed to just get away there are other times of the year other than a holiday to do that. Sometimes, he tries to fake it. How have you done holidays in the past? Kara Hello, looking for advice on my situation and how to best deal with it. He wants to keep his options open (or is already actively exploring them), he just doesn't want to tell you. From everything I have heard your boyfriend is an immature child. As someone who has the same problem after 12 years of marriage, try to find a middle ground or think if you would be okay like that(the way he is, isnt gonna change) on the long run. Anyone who does something behind your back that they know will upset you and then doesnt want to deal with your feelings when they have to tell you about it just isnt someone you should bother spending time with. December was a really bad month for us - it started with the missed performance disappointment, I saw him a couple of times during the first week of December, not at all during the second week because he had exams (which is perfectly understandable and I didn't complain), and then at the end of the week (the 15th), I saw him the morning he went on vacation and I haven't since. So, if you have stopped trying to make an effort to see one another, things might be coming to an end. Is he broke? 12 Signs He's Not In Love With You, You're Just Convenient - Bolde He puts his head in the sand. Purposely doesnt tell me things, because he knows I will get upset. He still has ex-wife/girlfriend drama. It seems petulant of me, but I really am still kind of upset and hurt that he missed my (only twice a year) performance. You will have to work through issues no matter what. By what we accept, allow or put a stop to. If you didnt shout it would probably work better. But with this advice she hopefully has the tools to pinpoint the issue and hopefully fix it or move on. Also understandable, but it says something, doesnt it? Loving Text Messages Begin To Fade As time progresses, most couples tend to fall into a routine together and become really comfortable; while that can be a great sign that you're both building a. Is this guy into me or just being friendly? He's often late and doesn't call to let you know. If it does then you are seriously skewed. (modern), He has told me he does not ever want to get married.. But, rather than me just abandoning him, we talked about the plans. If the partner doesnt want to, theres something very wrong in the relationship. He should consider you two a unit as should his family. Boyfriend and I have been dating since September. For example, we spend pretty much every weekend together and I asked him if he wanted to go to an evening event and he said that he had already made plans for us to go out with a a group of friends. Could there be family problems for sis? And honestly? While you are asking him about a longer notice, express your gratitude for him making plans for you two, thinking about what to do, where to go, etc. He may tell you he loves you every day. Here are 6 reasons why your boyfriend doesn't make you a priority. Nice and convenient for them. He's in med school, which means he's busy all the time. I would start by asking him why he neglected to tell you about his plans, and why you were left out of them. Were both 50! You need to step back, stop talking about it for a bit and think: Is this relationship enough to fulfil me even if we dont get married?, If, says Hewison, marriage really matters to you, but your boyfriend still doesnt want to, then that says something.. I've never felt like this in a relationship before, however, I've always been able to see my partners essentially as much as I'd like. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to convince ourselves that things are really working. I analysed the occasions on which this happens and it is when our friends get married; after a cheesy movie with a happy marriage ending; whenever I am introduced as his girlfriend (and not wife) this paralyses me. The reason I didn't ask her to come for the weekend (besides the fact that she would never want to) is because we are going hiking. Obviously if he continues to do it, tell him more firmly. He says he knew it would cause a problem and he didnt want to deal with that. Your first step is to find out what he thought the problem would be. Answer (1 of 8): Tell him you two were in bed, with the fireplace roaring and snow falling outside looking into each other's eyes with your skins' glowing . Thanks ladies for chiming in! He thinks that good parental marriages can be a good example to follow or sometimes you want to react against them. Cause we all know, when ever a women raises her voice shes an aggressive bitch. He talks about his ex-girlfriend/wife a lot. 18 Things A Guy Does That Tells You He Doesn't Care About You - Bolde If he is still living like he is in college, going out to bars, drinking, and flirting with other women, this is one of the signs he doesn't want to marry you. Posted by tthrowitaway I feel as though my boyfriend (M/23) doesn't have time for me (F/24) and doesn't communicate about his life.